Being Bi*

Posted by Kirk

I never really had an official coming out. As a bisexual identified person married to a gay identified man, my sexual identity is often assumed, and I still experience coming out on a regular basis.

I think the first time I started to own my bi identity, I was in a relationship with an awesome cis-woman who also identified as bi. Her openness and curiosity inspired me to consider the multiple ways that I could be in love and in relationship. I've always had an attraction to more than one gender. It doesn't feel like I chose to be bi. It feels more like I grew into becoming more authentically me. 

Coming out as bi* has definitely been more of a gradual process too. The cost of not sharing my identity is usually a missed opportunity to raise awareness. I was never comfortable having to label my sexuality, but I have come to realize that labels can be useful and sometimes a form of education. It wasn't until I was in a same-sex relationship that I understood the importance of coming out as bi. 

 Pink- represents attraction to similar genders.  Purple- represents attraction to both similar and different genders.  Blue- represents attraction to different genders. 

Pink- represents attraction to similar genders.  Purple- represents attraction to both similar and different genders.  Blue- represents attraction to different genders. 

One concern that I had about sharing our journey to fatherhood so publicly was that my identity would be assumed as a gay man married to another gay man trying to become dads. But the truth is, that's not us. We are in a mixed-orientation marriage. It means a lot to us, to be able to give you who we truly are and not an illusion of who we are.

This is also a reflection of the kind of children we want to raise. We want our kid(s) to be open and honest with themselves, with us, and with the world about who they are, about their beliefs, and about what's important to them. Living like this isn't always easy, but we will always strive to be role models for our child(ren) so that they can learn the values of integrity and honesty.